Saturday, August 2, 2008

Yesterday was the most mentally fatiguing day of the ride by far. We rode from Taiping to Teluk Intan, and the day started out fine and promising, but as it wore on, I started to really suffer. I don't know if it was because of the lack of food (I ate three mouthfuls of some greasy plate of shit for lunch because the kitchen of the place was home to the world's biggest collection of flies, effectively killing my appetite) or the searing heat which permeated every pore in our bodies. The road was never-ending, my limbs were on fire, my lungs were burning, my ass was smarting, I was riding with my senses blurred by exhaustion and depression.

The support vehicle was tempting me to stop and climb on. But pain only climbs off if you do, and then you're beaten. I told myself, just 10 more km, and I'll stop. 10km came and went, and then another 10km, and then another. I wanted to stop so badly, but I also wanted to complete the damned thing. I told myself, I am strong, I can conquer this, even while I looked at the butt in front of me and felt like vomitting. (Must be the damned flies!) I've never felt as weak and demoralised as yesterday in a long time. The only thing I was certain of as I willed my legs to keep pedalling was that the only way to overcome was to hang on. I've never been happier to finish a stage, and to stumble from my bike, half-dead and collapse onto the (quite smelly) sofa.

I'm reminded of a certain quote by Dean Karnazes:

“If you’re not pushing yourself beyond the comfort zone, if you’re not constantly demanding more from yourself – expanding and learning as you go – you’re choosing a numb existence. You’re denying yourself an extraordinary trip.”

It would've been so easy to stop, but I'm glad I didn't. I know everyone was suffering just as badly yesterday (except perhaps Tim Lim the monster), and I look back and really, I'm very proud of how far some of us have come, especially Chi Hao (his crazed one-minute of fame at the front! wahahah) and Ellery, who is stronger than I could've ever imagined. And Ben, who was unwell, but who kept going too. The worst is over, 6 more days left.

Thank you Dev for your words of inspiration. :) and Scott, for your daily encouraging messages that keep me going. Miss you all.

Cassandra

Posted by Anonymous at 5:30 PM